Waiting for the diagnosis

The day before election day.  The day after my first MRI.   "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it".   Well, I didn't feel that way this morning at 4 AM when I woke up.  I was still tired and a little weak just because I had not eaten anything much yesterday or had eaten the right stuff.   Once I get back into a system with bland, soft, easy to digest food, I start to get "control" instead of letting the pains get control of me.  Today ended up being better than this morning. I had much more nourishment and less pain today.
Kathy delivered home-made chicken soup which has been my staple the last week or so.  Then, Ruthie came over ready to make more chicken soup but found Kathy had already brought it so she made it for her own family.  I am very blessed to have such caring and helpful kids.
Then, this afternoon, our dear friends, Nathan and Brenda Brooks, came by to visit and to pray with us.   We have known them for over 30 years and cherish their friendship and their care for us.
This morning I awoke with fear of the unknown again.  I was thirsty and hungry.  I was being tormented by the unknown.  I think of Psalm 23.    "I will fear no evil for Thou art with me.."  What is "evil"?  Evil is fear of the unknown, evil is sin, death, terminal illness from our point of view, anything that takes our mind downward to defeat, loneliness, negativity and sadness.  "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies.." "My enemy" this AM when I awoke was fear of the unknown. Yesterday, my children and husband rallied around me for the beautiful trip to Charlottesville for the MRI. That was my first MRI and I got through it. God got me through it.  I  "believe" but find it hard to "trust" sometimes when I feel physically weak or negative about the upcoming consultation on Wednesday with the oncology surgeon, the unknown prospects, whether I want to face the initial meeting alone or with my sister and husband who will accompany me up there.  (Anxiety has always played a big part in my life even when I was going to sing publicly).
So, the day has transformed into a beautiful day, back on track with the diet I am trying to figure out by trial and error, and family and friends coming together to care and love.
I am learning to "trust".  For instance, I realized after going through the early morning torment, I am still fine.  I am not dying yet. I love God and I want  His healing.  That is all He wants of me, my loyalty and devotion to Him. I want my sister and my husband to go into the consultation with me.   It is fair to me, to them and to our whole family.  We are all in this together.