The Next Journey

     Well, it has been an experience to say the least to have my back shot into with 3 kinds of needles, and I must say, the experience itself was not a problem, only the after affects.
      They had the procedure scheduled for Wednesday at 8:30AM, at Lynchburg General Hospital, and we had to be there at 6:30 AM.   Ruthie drove me and stayed all day.
      So, the procedure actually took place about 11 AM, and took very little time.  I was put on my stomach (a place I never sleep these days), hooked up to an IV of Versed and Morphine , and oxygen going through my nose which was half lying on a pillow.  Awake but relaxed!   Since my right arm goes easily out of socket when stretched up, I requested not to be in that position and they made me very comfortable.  Of course, now when I think about it, no wonder I was "comfortable", I was drugged up for the short "procedure" which did not hurt THEN!
       As to the shot before the procedure into my back, the sting was not any worse than the sting I get with Neulasta, so no big deal there.
     Well, on with the story here.   The doc (Dr. Robert Green)  had a CT scanner which guided him through to the largest tumor.  Since then, I have been dealing with the after affects of the needles through my ribs and muscle.  I have had pains in my upper chest, shoulder, back, you name it.  What they told me is that if I noticed I was having shortness of breath, go to the ER.  That means my lung might be collapsing.   Isn't that a wonderful thought???
        So, right after the procedure, I had to have a chest Xray to see if there was bleeding internally I guess(?)   I had a tiny little hole which is natural I guess.  Then, I was told I had to wait 4 hours for another Xray.  IMagine!   But, at least I could eat and drink again.
    So, we waited 4-5 hours and had another Xray...by then it was after 3 PM.   Every Xray was scheduled but always late because of others with more "emergency situations", so I was told!     This time, the Xray showed the hole a little bigger..hm.   That is not a nice thought, is it?   So, my doc says he wants another one in a hour or 2.   Meanwhile, Ruthie and I are sharing the  tiny room and my tablet until it runs out of juice...(who would have thought we would have to use it for so long, so I didn't bring the charger:)   By that time, still waiting , Ellen comes on at 4....we watch a little on the hospital TV and they come for me for the 3rd  xray.   I was up there and finished within 5 minutes, but waiting actually in a "bay" for transport to take me down again.....45 minutes!!!!  By that time it is 5 o'clock, the doc has checked in with me and said that I had to watch out for breathing problems, coughing up blood, just for one day, etc.   Well, I never did cough up blood.  He also said I should have another Xray the next day, so I chose another less congested and busy facility and our dear neighbor Barbara took me.  We were done in no time and back home with the report that the hole had not gotten any bigger and the doctor is expecting it to heal on its own.
       Ok, last night was the scarey part.   Well, not as scarey as painful.  My fever started to rise and my pain got worse...I have been taking Tylenol every 6 hours and when I do, I feel much better.  The fever made me so achey.
       WE called oncology and was told that if my fever spiked up to 100.5, I should go to the ER.  Let me tell you, that is the last place I wanted to go:):)   Just sayin'!   So, my prayer warrior friends and relatives who knew about the situation, started praying a lot, including me.  And, my fever went down and my pain is much less of a problem today.  I am so thankful to the Lord for His gift of helping me last night and getting me through it.  I guess He lets us have all we can take and then "rescues" us from it:)
        I realize that we always have to pray "if it is Your Will" which puts us into a more humble situation before the Lord and not the "boss" of God, but, it is sometimes hard to pray that last one.  It could have turned out the complete opposite if it was His will that I go to the ER:):):):)
        Now, for the main report from the  biopsy.   Those who read facebook will already  have  found out that my sister wrote a very sweet piece about the cancer spreading to my lungs....the same cancer in the pancreas.  It has matasticized there...not in my liver!!!!
        So, my oncologist told me that she wants to enroll me (my biopsy) into a molecular test that will show if my cancer in my lungs will be eligible for a new treatment.  The financial aid person at the oncology center told me that she will take care of applying for financial aid for this if I qualify and if my insurance will help.  She told me that the insurance sometimes has a problem with things like this but you still keep applying.
       I have no idea the cost of this treatment or the test that will show if I my cancer will qualify.
        That is the story so far.  Meanwhile, I am sitting here in our electric recliner in our livingroom, so thankful that we can pass this chair around and that I have it at this point and feel sorry for my brother-in-law who didn't have it for his recent shoulder rotator cuff surgery:(
      Let's all thank God for a new day to thank Him, see God's loving kindness in our lives, in our bodies and in our Hope. 

God was not done when Noah was in the boat, Sarah was barren, Joseph was in prison, Moses was on the run from Pharaoh, the children of Israel were pinned against the Red Sea, the walls of Jericho blocked possession of the promised land, Gideon was hiding from the Midianites, Samson was seduced by a woman and blinded, Ruth was widowed, David was mocked as a boy facing a giant, Job’s children were all killed, government officials persecuted Daniel, Jonah was in the belly of a fish, Paul couldn’t get rid of this thorn, and Jesus was put in the grave. God is not done!

Hope is not undone, because He is not done!

Sam Crabtree is Executive Pastor at Bethlehem Baptist Church and author of Practicing Affirmation (Crossway, 2011

CT Scan Report and Dr's Call

    I went for the CT scan this morning and then had to put up with getting rid of the barium for part of the morning and afternoon.  Not fun but nevertheless present.
    This afternoon Dr. Paul called me and explained that she had already received the report and wanted to go over it with me.  Since I have little memory or knowledge of medical terms and tests, I listened and took in what I could understand.  I just had a CT scan 3 months ago, so this is updated today!
    She told me both the pancreas tumor was growing (and I cannot remember how much?:).  She told me that the nodules in my lungs were growing and she said the best way to find out if they were cancerous (and she thinks they are) was to take a biopsy of tissue.   However, if the biopsy cannot be done yet because of size, they would let me know before going in.  I asked her to explain how they do that and she told me they numb the place where they put the needle and they use a scanner like the CT scanner.  She is going to schedule me for that asap.
      In addition to the lung nodules, the pancreas tumor is growing which I sort of  expected because as I understand it, this chemo cannot be given indefinitely or get rid of the tumor.  She would like to get another biopsy from that because it may show more cells than originally taken(?) when I was first diagnosed at UVA.  That endoscopy would be done again up there since they don't do that here in Lynchburg.  Not sure when that would take place.
    Right now, as far as I am concerned I am in no pain and am not fearing anything except maybe a needle in my chest:):):)   I do have some HOPE that the nodules could be benigned but according to her, very unlikely:)
If, by any chance, the nodules are cancerous, and of a certain kind, they could be treated with immunotherapy and that would be a very hopeful outcome.
    Who knows at this point what is next except to have tests to determine what is next or what can be considered options.
     I do still have hope for future life here on earth since I have no pain and have gained weight.   I am a bit more tired than I was, but hey, I am getting older too....77 my next birthday:)
    So, when I get the full report, I will be able to check out sizes of tumors, etc.  I can pick that up at the radiology place whenever I want.
     In a few days or next week I will be able to view the report on the website for the cancer center anyway, plus the report from the radiology associates.
 
   

Free Week....

Today is a free week in the sense that 2 weeks ago I had chemo and next week I will have it again.  The problem is, a few days ago I developed a terrible back ache in my lower left back.   I think it was caused by lifting some heavy bags that may not have bothered me a year or 2 ago, but this week, my back really aches.  
Yesterday, Ruthie and Bill brought over Bill's "Aleve Direct Therapy" thing and we tried that.  It seemed to help so maybe I will try it again.
This week has also been a week of loss of one of my college friends who finally "lost his battle with cancer".  By the way, that expression is so interesting because many times, the "battle" is not the cancer, but the side effects from the cancer.  He fought a long fight and left a legacy that deeply enriched many lives, including mine.
I often think how it will be when "my time comes", when it will be, what warnings will I have, and worst of all, if I can handle the pain.  I must admit that I truly  believe that God only lets us go through as much as we can stand and He is with us through the suffering and through the transition into the Glory that will be "on the other side".   
Meanwhile, back here on earth, life is busy, eventful daily and tomorrow is another CT scan.   This CT scan is taking place only 3 months after the last one just because my doc wants to see if anything is "growing" or changing.  How thrilling is that?
Meanwhile, today AGustin and I will live through this day.  These days go so fast, believe it or not.    Our basement needs attention and neither of us want to deal with it.  It seems that our son thinks it really needs attention, like ripping out the rug, waterproofing the outside so the water doesn't come back in in the event of another heavy storm like last time.  That means moving furniture to other places so the work can been done.  We certainly cannot do it.  He is willing, but he is very busy too!
Well, we shall see what the day holds, and meanwhile, I will think and pray for those friends and family who have needs and God's attention specifically which God already knows about but I think He wants us to trust Him in the praying line.
Below, I have copied and pasted the "Insight" from today's "Our Daily Bread" devotional!

"INSIGHT: Time is a precious commodity that we can waste, spend, or invest. Moses prayed, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12). In a sense, nothing more clearly requires—or displays—a heart of wisdom than the way we use our time. This may be why Jesus—pressed by the crowds, confronted by the needs around Him, and threatened by the religious establishment—is never described in the Gospels as being in a hurry. Instead, He saw time as having a part in the Father’s purposes. At the wedding feast in Galilee, He said to His mother, “My hour has not yet come” (John 2:4). As He drew ever closer to the cross, however, He saw that time coming to culmination. In John 12:27 He affirmed, “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.” Living wisely is rooted in understanding that our loving Father has a purpose behind our seconds, minutes, hours, and days. Bill Crowder"

Today's Early Morning Meditation

    I tossed and turned a lot in the early hours, knowing that life can be shorter than anticipated, but the unknown is always looming.  That means, it is time to get up for coffee and tea and meditation with God's Word and words written by authors who have been inspired by God and His creation.  So, I took out my faithful little book by Todd Outcalt that I have quoted before, and opened it to "Sunday".  "28 Days of Prayer, Praying Through Cancer".  I haven't really read out of it lately, but today is a good day for me for that!
     Before I quote most of this devotion I want to say that life for everyone on this earth, living in all circumstances, can also be applied to a cancer patient's journey, whether you are a young person going through teenage choices and situations, parents with choices for themselves  and for their children, grandparents who are always in "transition" spiritually and mentally as time goes by.  We are all vulnerable to the same challenges in life in my opinion.  Anyway, here goes my quote.  I tried to get through spell check and it went pretty well:)
     On page 24, I quote the following:
     "The Psalms recount times of turmoil and trouble, moments when individuals and communities felt vulnerable.  These ancient prayers reflect the deep emotions of people in times of need.  The Psalms serve to remind you, even compel you, of the importance of seeking God when your body is compromised and your spirit is low.
In the past week, you likely have navigated a myriad of emotion and thoughts in the aftermath of your cancer diagnoses.  You probably have sought help from a variety of sources, read books and online articles, and asked for the opinion others.  And, yes, you may have turned to God for help as well.
But make this a day when you not only ask for God's help but also receive God's strength.  Allow the God of the universe to be your stability in every time of trouble.  Do not fear admitting your doubts, anxieties, and questions.  In so doing, you will find yourself relying more and more upon the grace and strength of God.
AS you begin this journey with God's strength, take these three simple steps:
1.   Relax.  Set aside a time to be alone with God and rest in God's grace.  Be content.  Allow yourself to be without deadlines and jobs to accomplish.  Meet God in a silent space with a quiet heart.  Picture yourself in God's presence, and relax into God's mercy.
2.  Rest.  If you are seeking God's strength, do not rush to accomplish other tasks.  A rested body is an energized body.  Be still and allow God to fill you with new energy and hope.
3.  Renew.  As you seek God today, picture your body being renewed and refreshed.  Think soothing thoughts.  Eat good foods.  Feel new energy for the days ahead.
And the Prayer:
Dear God, I need you now, I need your strength, your grace, and your healing touch.  I feel alone and tired, my energies wasted.  Renew me and place a right spirit within me.  Refresh me through loving thoughts, beautiful expressions, and the highest aspirations of my heart.  Do not allow my heart to sink, but lift me with your light and love.  Amen."
Since we will not be attending church services today, I will look forward to listening to our "pastora's" sermon on line later:)

Sermons by Dr. Martha Kearse

Pump off Today ~

Today the pump came off and the "funk" may set in more than when the treatment started this past Monday.  Sometimes it hits hard and sometimes not so hard.
I usually try to check into the website for the cancer center to find out what my tumor marker is before I go back for fluids  and then have the pump off, but for some reason this week, it was not posted.
So, this morning, about 8:15 AM, I got a phone call from my oncologist, Dr. Paul.  She and I were both cheerful in our greeting and I, deep inside, knew that the news could or could not be "good", but, I am ready for all paths I guess.
So, my tumor marker is up to 45 now which isn't bad but it is slowly ascending.  Of course, it started out at over 4,000.   However, Dr. Paul wants to do another CT scan after 3 months instead of 6 months, the usual.  I asked her if that was too much radiation and she said, "that isn't an option right now" or something like that. She wants to check to see if the nodules in one of my lungs are growing.  So, on August 14 I will drink the stuff and go for the CT scan.
Always something to think about, the next steps, the next hurtle, the next challenge.
Meanwhile, we go on with daily living, routine, thinking and praying for family and friends who have cares and concerns just as challenging.
We are hoping to be able to make it to the beach for a week in September with old friends who have invited us to their condo in Ocean City, Maryland.  That is something to look forward to.
This morning's Our Daily Bread devotional used the scripture from Psalm 145.

(v.9) "The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made".  "The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.  The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down".(vv.13-14) 

 "The Lord watches over all who love him"(V.20)