Before I go to bed tonight....

Thoughts for the day.
Today, when she stuck the needle into the port, it hurt a little more than usual and dull pain lingered longer.   The little young nurse decided it could be the tape that she taped on to it to tightly, so she fixed it. Eventually it went away.
My oncologist   came into the room, we had a nice conversation about side effects from last time, neuropathy in my feet,  about life's challenges within families, what the tumor markers really tell her, etc.  Then I asked her how she was, and she said she wasn't feeling well.  Personally, I was very surprised to see her not wearing a mask or rubber gloves when she was in the room with me, even though she didn't get too close except when she listened to my heart and made a point of not breathing near me....still, I think she is a wonderful doctor and hope she feels better soon because a lot of people, much worse than I am, need her expertise and kindness in their lives.
Ok, she told me that the way the tumor marker was going down, icertainly meant it was doing its job to reduce the cancer cells.  She has scheduled a CT scan before my next appointment for which I have to drink to bottles of blankety blank 👵  I think my next treatment will be on Valentine's Day❤❤  How thrilling!!
All day, I felt strange because of the way the chemo made me feel, off balance and weird in the head.  I have concluded that I should have already been hydrated more than I was and my nurse sister and also, my nurse-for-the-day agreed.  I just have to remember for the next time. even though I feel much better by the week before, I should keep up the hydration even though I feel "normal"
The other thing I noticed today was  the many little spasms in my legs near the end of the chemo.  They felt like cramps coming, but they didn't develop into cramps.  I conclude that I may need more exercise and my hydration.
We met a very kind cancer patient named Sarah Gosnell today at the Cancer Center and she prayed for me along with my daughters, my husband and her Mom. She is on facebook and does live facebook recordings  about her thoughts and fears about her cancer.

This is my video for tonight.  I am so glad Agustin taped so much of my singing because the songs I sang mean so much to me now when I cannot really put forth all that it takes to sing songs with strength and power.   This song was recorded at Court Street United Methodist Church in Lynchburg, VA with George Clark, organist, around 1996!               SOLI DEO GLORIA

In the mornin' when I rise, Give me Jesus.

You can have all the world, but give me Jesus.

'Twixt the cradle and the grave, Give me Jesus.

Give Me Jesus, you can have all the world but give me Jesus!

Tomorrow....Chemo treatment #4

Suddenly I am feeling down, defeated...I cannot understand why because I have felt so good all week,  no pain or bloating, didn't have long side effects from the last treatment, only had to have  one extra liter of fluid the day I got my pump off, got a call from Dr. Paul soon after the last treatment telling me my "tumor marker" went way down, and she has never seen that happen so fast to anyone.
So, why am I sad?  I am still trying to keep positive, faithful to my loving Lord and cheerful.  But, I still cry!  I suddenly remember psychologically the side effects of the chemo that start gradually tomorrow, even though I am given anti-nausea medicine that is supposed to last 2 days.  I have learned that I will not take Zofran this time.  It makes me feel worse, even though it helps with nausea, it doesn't help my head:)
 I will stick to phenergan. I just felt a wave of defeat when I thought that tomorrow I sit there for 4 hours and get the drugs pumped in drip drip drip.  But, I do have to tell myself the truth that those drugs seem to be helping my situation, even though it makes me feel discouraged during the side effects which are brought to my mind tonight, the night before.
A very considerate friend from our church who has had cancer and chemo for over 8 years, gave me 3 books last week to read.  I already have several other books I haven't even started from another concerned friend.
The one book I have read was so helpful to me.  IT is called  "A Reason for Hope" by Dr. Michael Barry.    I just brought it here to the computer. One of the things the book stresses is the better we feel, the better our immune system helps us to heal.  Our caregivers and loved ones are a big influence on helping us through this with their attitudes and their encouragement
Last night we had a family gathering at Ruthie's to celebrate William's 15th birthday which comes the end of this week.  Ruthie and Bill decided to make it an early celebration for the family since I would not be able to participate in a few days.  I am grateful❤    
Back to the book!   "With warmth and wisdom, Dr. Barry offers the reader scientific evidence and Scriptural principles that fuel the will to live and build the hope that can heal.  If you have cancer....or are in a support role to someone who does...here is A Reason for Hope."
And here is my prayer for tonight taken from this book:  
"Father, replace all of my pessimism with optimism, fearfulness with hopefulness.  As Jesus healed the man with the withered hand, heal my withered attitude and fill me with hope, as well as a desire to meet You in the midst of my pain and worry.  In  Jesus' name, I pray, Amen."

My "good week" again...

So the big question for me these days is why my tumor markers went down so fast.  I realize that this cancer is never "cured" but can be controlled for a time anyway.   Meanwhile, I was told by my oncologist to enjoy each day I have.  Good thought!   But, one does look at the future, doesn't one?  I do expect to be at my granddaughter's high school graduation the beginning of June.  It would be nice to take another trip to Colombia for a short time this summer with her since that is what she would like.  All of these "dreams" depend on reality.  All of these dreams shouldn't be fraught with anxiety either, so, I guess taking each day as a gift is my goal.
I must add that this round of chemo, though tough for a day or 2, didn't leave me so drained and weak as the other past 2 which is a PRAISE GOD in my book of thankfulness.
My oncologist also told me to "sing".  I think I mentioned one other time that singing takes peace, energy, hydration, and inspiration...all together, built into one body of health.   I doubt that dealing with chemo  side effects can help at all with singing, so, I have downloaded some favorite hymns I once recorded with our dear friend from church, Carlease Burnette, who now lives at Westminster Canterbury, a retirement community here in Lynchburg.  I don't have the year we recorded these written on the cassette tape, but, it was in November and probably sometime in the late 80s or early 90s...she and I were younger:)   The unique thing about Carlease is that she does not read any music but plays everything by "ear".  We used to enjoy her playing at our church and now the folks at Westminster Canterbury still enjoy her.
The five hymns I will post are now on youtube simply because I could not post them any other way.

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

How Great Thou Art

Children of the Heavenly Father

Because He Lives

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

---

Reminiscing.........

Over the past few weeks and months, there has been a lot of reminiscing in our family, especially between Agustin and me.
For instance, yesterday we were reminiscing about when I first "knew" he was serious about me and my singing.  Now, for any artist, the support at home has a lot to do with one's development as an artist.   I was very  serious about my singing and being able to perform, I would not consider any "suitors" who didn't really like me for who I was, who they were as fellow believers and, of course, that  had to include  my singing "career".   Agustin obviously did from the start.  And, this little memory is the first time I really believed it❤
   I had finished Westminster Choir College and was living in Philadelphia and a student at the Academy of Vocal Arts for awhile.  Agustin had transferred to Philadelphia from Madison, Wisconsin, where he worked for the International Division of Ray-o-Vac Batteries.  We met at Tenth Presbyterian Church where I sang as a soloist  and was a member of the church and of the Young Adult Group.  Our young adult group was large and we met after church for lunch at the church and when I came, we started a volunteer choir.  He wanted to join the choir even though he told one of our friends he "could follow" but didn't' know how to read music.😄  As everyone knows, Agustin is very outgoing and very friendly:)
   We started seeing each other in group settings when some of us would go to concerts.  He loved classical music too.  As the weeks progressed, we started seeing more of each other and dated casually a few times.
    After a few weeks I told him I was to give a sacred concert in Haddonfield, NJ, on a Sunday.   I was to sing at a church I had once been soloist in and he asked me if he could go with me.  Now, because of transportation, rehearsal, and a visit with friends,  I had to leave quite early on Sunday AM and walk to where I would pick up the Jersey bus to ride over.  I was to meet my friend Barbara Gerkensmeyer for the day and then give the concert in the evening.   This meant that I would start walking from my apartment on Spruce over through Rittenhouse Square.   (all was very safe back in those days).
     I told Agustin that if he wanted to go, he could meet me in Rittenhouse Square about 7 AM and we would go together.  I honestly wondered if  he would "show up" that early.
But, low and behold, who should be walking across Rittenhouse Square at 6:45 AM with his tape recorder ( reel-to-reel back in those days)  but Agustin Hermosa, my future husband who first proved to me he cared enough to get up, get out and carry his  heavy tape recorder all that way.
     That is the first time we really started getting more than "casual" about the future.   And as he says to most people when he meets them, "we met on January 26, 1969", at 12:45 PM....that was the first time he came to Tenth Church and met me as his "choir director":)   The Rittenhouse Square "awakening in my heart" was probably by early spring of 1969:)  We were married Sept. 20, 1969❤
    So, we reminisce in our family about lots of things and I think it is because of the situation currently facing  us that we have been doing this.
    I look forward to many more "good" days if all this chemo works out.  However, I am prepared in my heart if things don't work the way I imagine.   God will still be with us on that  day and in that hour  when it comes.
 

My good week

It is Wednesday, Jan. 11, 2017, the middle of my "good" week.   I must say I have a lot to be thankful for at this point.
Our Kathy set up the  "meal train"  (http://mealtrain.com/158773)  on the internet which has helped us so much.  I have appreciated all the meals that people have fixed and have brought.   We especially like the visits when our friends or friends that we have never met, bring in the meals.  Actually, if there is more than we can eat at once, we just freeze it and have it for lunch or another time.
Another thing I am thankful for are the weeks off I have had between treatments.  I expected when this all started, that I would be "sick" most of the time, but, the way it is working, because of the holidays and because of my "advocate" with the cancer center, Ruthie, she got me skipped again another week because it was too close and I really have a hard time with keeping hydrated.  I love the feeling of being well, at least a whole week.  Thank you Lord for that!
I have spent some time working on my funeral.  I know it sounds "morbid" to work on your funeral service, but, as our lawyer told us, it is good to let people know what you would like so they don't have to "guess"after you are gone:)  I love that.  Since I have sung at so many church services, weddings and funerals, I have been part of lots of orders of worship and sat through many eulogies.
Ok, enough of that subject, but I did have to mention it.
I have a stye on my eyelid which I am in the process of checking what to do.  I will put a hot compress on 3 times a day and then use Systan ultra drops 3 times a day to see if that will help.  The eye doc wants me to take antibiotics (Keflex), but i don't really want to deal with that along with the chemo coming up next Monday and that whole week ahead. So, I will see what Dr. Paul says about that:)
Here are some special verses that I have thought about today.

Lamentations 3:21-24     "But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope.  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end;  they are new every morning; great is His faithfulness.   The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him".

Acts 1:7  "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority."

Jeremiah 17:7-8  "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes;  its' leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Joshua 1:9  "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified;  do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Friday, Jan.6...

Today is the third day I have felt more normal than the last posting.   I am coming to a few conclusions.   I started to "juice" when I started chemo but have decided that will be a "no-no" from now on, even when I am "well".   I have concluded that the raw juice goes right through me.  I guess I will have to think up some other healthy organic thing:)
I did go in for IV fluids on Wednesday and have had a few "good" days.  Because even my water was starting to taste strange to me during the chemo, Ruthie got me some Kristal Lite to add to make it taste better (with stevia).  It does help.
Today it started snowing and I took down the Christmas decorations.
Stayed in today but yesterday we did drive over to Walmart to pick up a few things we needed.  Don't like the cold weather because I really cannot get out to walk.
Not much to report except I am glad I have a week "off", next week, to recuperate again from this chemo....
Today is Epiphany in the church year when the wise men found Jesus, Mary and Joseph (not in the barn) and brought their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.  I do know about those fragrances now since I have been using Essential Oils once in awhile just for healing comfort:) 

Round #2, Days 4 - 6

Day 4, January 1, 2017.    Wow, this morning I woke up feeling like I was under a ton of bricks.  I don't know exactly why except maybe the chemo along with the Ativan and phenergan combination.  Kathy came early and stayed all day.  Paul dropped by and that was nice.   I rested a lot during the day but felt generally AWFUL!!!!!   Yes, awful is the word!  As the day progressed, I did eat some toast, chicken broth, hot tea, jello, water and walked around the house  some.  Kathy rubbed my feet which really helps me.  I did take Tylenol late in the day because I felt a little achiness, but have not had to take anti-nausea meds up until now.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day, at least I hope so!

Day 5, Jan. 2, 2017.   Today has been by far the worst day.  I was nauseated, achey, and probably dehydrated.  I could not eat anything but a few bites of toast.  I finally had to go to VA Baptist Hospital again for fluid. When I got back, I just went back to bed and have been sleeping off and on.  I just got up to do this but will go back to bed.  I know this is temporary, but I surely wonder how long it will last.  I had to take phenergan, Tylenol and another dose of immodium this AM.   I will be glad to sleep this off. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  Such a rough day it was today!

Day 6, Jan.3, 2017.   This morning I got up, fixed the fruit for the juicer, made scrambled eggs and coffee and ate a little.  However, it was after that that things really got rough!   AT 9:15 AM  I had a terrible bout of diarrhea and took 2 Immodium.  After that it was downhill for almost the rest of the day with 2 more bouts of diarrhea and abdominal pain and bloating.  I was miserable.  I took 2 more doses of Immodium and had to add Zofran (anti-nausea), Ativan (anxiety), Tramadol(pain) and Tylenol (achiness).  I felt defeated and weak.  I had trouble eating anything and drinking which was probably part of the downfall. I am supposed to take Creon (Pancreatic enzymes 3 times a day even if I don't eat)   Even water tasted gross and I drink expensive water...alkaline water from the Healthnut Store, PH balance #11.  After that I was desperate to find out what was going on.  My kids came and my dear sister who is a retired nurse.   We called the cancer triage nurse and explained what was going on.  She returned our call and said that all my symptoms were from the side effects of the chemo not the cancer.  Good thought I thought:)    (I am on a very toxic chemo)
I face timed my friend Katherine from Tennessee who has been so helpful to me and going through the same chemo and she suggested that because I hadn't eaten, I might be having acidity issues in my stomach without having eaten anything.  Marge decided I should take Mylanta and that seemed to help  almost immediately to calm my stomach. After that we went to the kitchen and I ate a very small amount of delicious chicken pot pie that our dear friend Angela Heer brought.  I eat very little at one serving so it is digestible.  Ever since then, I have been feeling much better with no more abdominal pain.   I did eat a small amount again a little later.
I rubbed my stomach with coconut oil and frankincense and Kathy rubbed my feet with the same thing. 
 My next appointment for chemo will be Jan. 16 with pump off on Jan.18....I will be getting fluids again tomorrow, Jan.4 and maybe again on Jan. 6.   The fluids seem to help!
I have had good nights because I take the Ativan.  However, I have been so weak during the day I haven't even been able to shower.  But, tomorrow is a new day.
I am writing this mainly for my own benefit in treating my side effects in the future!

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track."

Psalm 3:5-6