Surprises this Week

     Two of the reasons that I am surprised this week are:  Tumor marker has gone from 435 on Nov. 12 down to 57 on Nov. 27.  I have learned over time that tumor markers just give a judgment about the cancer but don't tell everything.   
      The other surprise this week is that I have had no real side effects from the chemo treatment I had on Tuesday "yet".  (Just check back and read my entry from Oct. 25!:) I say that because I have had some hard times in the last couple weeks of the new treatment.  So what does this mean?   I don't really know but am very thankful to God, to chemistry, to the doctor's choices, and for my own body's immune system.   I even went shopping yesterday and was able to drive there as well as drive to the cancer center today for a liter of fluid which maybe I didn't really need but I had already scheduled it, so why not?:)   I have always had extra fluid after the chemo treatments because of pending dehydration.
      Now, there are some down parts of this.  With the treatments, I have gained a lot of weight which doesn't bother my cancer center people as much as me but it would bother my cardiology center folks as well as me because I think that too much weight is hard on your heart.  In fact, I am given something in the chemo to help with  weight gain!  Ha!
      I have not really had the time or energy to exercise and that is also the down side of this "new" life's journey.  I love to swim but in the weather transition now from summer to cold weather, no outside swimming can take place, only indoor where I think a lot of germs can be around if I am having too much chemo.  So, maybe now that I get into another schedule, I can start that up again with a week off of recuperation between treatments.  Just dreaming here:)
      Eating has been a challenge ever since I started treatment and had to deal with the pancreas and digestion.   Diarrhea can come very easily with too much fiber but at the same time, with the chemo comes  constipation.  I find that not eating raw veggies helps my digestion.  So, unfortunately, salad is out.   I still take a prescribed pancreatic enzyme three times a day which really helps my pancreas digest food.
       I think also that eating snacks put on the weight.  It is recommended to eat about 6 small meals day which was easy at first but now I have gained the weight from eating 3 larger meals plus those snack meals:):)
      When I used to be on Weight Watchers, I would calculate my intake which was not a lot of carbs but plenty of salad, etc.   Now it seems the opposite.  I find that easily digested carbs, very little or no beef or pork, very little acidic food, etc, goes better with me.    I have even cut out orange juice.   I can eat fresh fruit without the skin or seeds.  I can eat some dairy and now drink lactose free fat-free milk which goes much better on the digestion.   I also  drink high alkaline water although my doctor seems to think that once anything arrives in the stomach it turns to acid anyway:)
       Well, these are my thoughts for today.   Last week, I was not sure of anything except side effects that I would have to face and wondering if the tumor marker would be staying the same or going up, but, hey, all these surprises this week make this season even more special!   
        God gives us the gifts of life and learning and we must be thankful to Him first for His grace to us.

Thanksgiving Week, Nov. 18, 2018

Today is Sunday, November 18, and so many blessings and experiences have transpired over the last few years of my life of 77 years.

I have learned a whole new way of life, that of a cancer patient and chemo "tester":)  I have learned to know other cancer patients and learned about praying and having many caring people pray for me.

Learning that each day in our lives is a gift and that God is ultimately in charge of our "alpha and omega" is what I base my thoughts on.  I see how my fellow cancer "victims" are coping with the different stages of their cancer, and it really puts perspective into my length of days, to be thankful for each day given to me with my family.   My husband is always by my side and always caring about my well being.  I know it must be a burden for him, but God gave us to each other 50 years ago and I truly believe all this was in the PLAN:)

Back when I was diagnosed, Keith Theinemann, a professional photographer wanted to photograph our family as a gift to me, perhaps thinking that I wouldn't have long to live.   He actually came to our Thanksgiving Day  celebration in 2016 just to take pictures of our family members.  I will try to post a few of them here on the "blog".  I will always be grateful for his motivations to do this.  He told me that his own Dad passed away early from pancreatic cancer, and this was an honor to his memory!   

11/6/2018: (God Will Make a Way (with lyrics) - Don Moen)

This morning when I woke up these lyrics were going through my mind.   I was "marveling" at how I went into the treatment yesterday and was expecting the treatment to take place.  I was so weak last week from the treatment that I could not even imagine having another one this week, and sure enough, platelets were too low.
Both of these situations happen with 2 different outcomes.  If my platelets are too low, my body will not be able to take the chemo.  My blood will get thinner, my immune system will not fight off the germs around me, I could get very sick.  On the other hand, there are these cancer cells inside me which are being "fought at" with the chemo which kills all cells, even the good ones as I understand it.  So, my thoughts are:  I don't want the chemo treatments because it pulls me down emotionally and physically, or, if my body can go through the "torture" of "killing the cells", try it anyway.
In yesterday's case, it was decided by the medical team that if my platelets are below a certain number, I should not have the treatment.   And, I am thrilled and thankful that I don't have to have it!
So, God did make a way for me to come home, start recuperating from last week's ordeal and have a "good" week.
I am praying the mouth sores go away and the little wheezing in my lung goes away.  I am praying that my strength will build up so I can "go out and play":):):):)   So maybe I can go swimming or walking.
I am also praying for these particular fellow cancer treatment friends whose lives I am in touch with.  Katherine, Cathy, Susan, Sarah, Hattie, and Kristin  are undergoing their own challenges in the treatment line.  All of us have a different set of challenges and side effects but we all know that God makes a way daily for us.  Sometimes He surprises us and shows us we did get through it, somehow, when we thought we couldn't.  And, then there is a relief for awhile at the end of the tunnel.  We have trouble sometimes realizing that looking ahead has the fear because it is hard for us to trust, but, looking back proves He was there all the time, keeping things in perspective and taking our bodies through "the deep waters".   AT least, that is how I feel today, having a week of relief from the chemo treatment and mentally getting ready for next week if my platelets go up to the place where they won't present another challenge.    

7th. Day after Second Treatment of Gem Brax

    Well today is Sunday, and I am "laying low" waiting for tomorrow to roll around for the next treatment.  I have really felt very lousy this week. 
    Yesterday, late morning, I experienced one of the worst side effects I have had since I have started any kind of chemo.  I know people go through worse than I do, but, I am not very brave sitting on a toilet, having vagal vasal pains, feeling faint, diarrhea and then topping it off with big time vomiting.  Not my thing.   So, what are we learning from all of this?
    Well, maybe for starters, the onset of these side effects could mean I need extra fluids if I am going to keep up with this regimen.  I always had 2 infusions of fluid on the other chemo, and that seemed to have helped.
    There is always a solution whether it is meds that counterattack with the chemo, but, I guess you have to weigh their side effects too and see how much you can endure:)
I did have to take some Imodium today again, but so far, no more horrible vomiting.
     Yesterday, we called Ruthie, who was available and she came right over to make the phone call to the doctor on call and he recommended taking Imodium and my anti-nausea medicine.  I don't like Zofran, so since I used to take Phenergan at the beginning of the other chemo, I could take that but chose not to take either yesterday.   I wanted to see if it would go away.  I had no more problems with it yesterday but still very tired.  The doc on call also told us that we should call him again and then go to the local urgent care for fluids if it happened again after doing all that other stuff.  Thankfully we didn't have to go yesterday.
     This morning, what should I wake up with but a white tongue....ha, never had that before either.  I do also have mouth sores in my throat and inside cheeks as well.   So, I googled it and guess it is a yeast thing and could be from dehydration and chemo(?)....who knows.  I will just report tomorrow and wait it out today.
Meanwhile, I decided this AM during my toilet episode, I would try to remain relaxed and in control and no vagal vasal episode happened. 
     All of this new stuff really makes you wonder.
     So, another beautiful day of reporting in.  AS you know, I write these "blog" entries to also keep track of my journey and keep those who pray for me updated.  
     So thankful for my family and friends who keep watch and encourage me through all of this.  Kathy brought homemade chicken broth yesterday, while my sister went out bought and prepared home made applesauce which I love, last night.  I  got to see my littles (Paul and Hailey's kiddos) yesterday too.  
     And, of course, my husband who is ever near and dear in this situation who helps, cleans up, loves and cares no matter what we are going through.💖  

Fifth Day of Second Week of Gem Brax

Last night when I went to bed, rather early for me, I felt so very tired.   I was more tired than usual and I thought, oh, here goes!   Because, it seems the side effects start coming on hard the last 2 days of the week I have had this new chemo.
So, this morning when I woke up it was even worse.  I actually woke up about 3:30 AM and could not sleep after that even though I was extremely fatigued.  AS to my legs, they were very numb but no real pain.  And, I could also detect a small whistle sound in my chest when I was breathing in a certain position. Hm.!
I did get up but was so extremely fatigued, I could hardly do what I had to  but was very hungry and thirsty too.
I rested all morning and thought about the funeral going on at our church of our very dear friend and that we couldn't go.  But, at this point, you can just do what you can.
I thought this AM that if "quality of life" is like this, for the chemo side effects, is it worth it?  I actually always think that at some point when I am so tired I can hardly move.
Anyway, meanwhile, I know that tomorrow is a new day.  That tomorrow will hold more hope than today did as far as side effects.
What I am thinking is that I am so tired because my platelets have gone way down and I won't even be able to have chemo on Monday....just sayin':):):)
So, the other thing is, this bottle of Lynparza (olaparib) came in the mail yesterday which was really doubtful I might be able to qualify for it.  It is a very expensive chemo pill that retards the DNA growth or kills it or something like that in the cancer cells.  It is used on certain cancer cells so I guess my doc wants to try it on me and see if it "works".....I guess I have the "right" kind of cancer cells(?)
Now, I am all for this sort of stuff if it doesn't produce side effects that make me sick, weak, crazy or whatever.  Or, even cause death😃  
So, without further adieu, I will go take another nap and maybe wake up all better in a few hours.👍