4 days after chemo treatment

I am writing this little  "epistle" 4 days after chemo, the day I feel the worst.  So, it is understandable if I discuss my feelings about life and death with nausea and achiness and tiredness upon me today.   The thing is, in a day or 2, I will feel almost "normal" again and have energy and hope for the future whereas today, not feeling so well makes me think otherwise:)  However, and by the way, my tumor marker still remains around the same place even after not having had chemo for 5 week!   That is a PRAISE:)
Since I came back from the vacation, I continue to think about this whole cancer situation and  chemo treatment situation.  Everyone is always complementing me on how I look and  my success in "fighting" this disease but I cannot take the credit.   It is truly a gift from God.  Our days are numbered here as we read in Psalms or Job and probably many other places in the Bible.
During the chemo side effects, I imagine what it must be like to be dying..I wonder how long it takes, how weak one feels, how sick one must feel and how the meds for relief effect thinking and praying.
I do take some meds now that improve my mental health outlook but I realize that God is there with me all the time.
I am in the next phase of life right now.  My younger life of caring for kids, working, singing, socializing is in the past.  Sure, I remember those times but I like to think that a new phase of life is starting.  I don't sing anymore, I don't practise anymore, I don't even have the love and drive for it that I once had.  It was truly a gift back then and I was truly blessed to have had so many opportunities to sing, direct the choir, etc back "in the day".
Now it is the next part of my life.  I continue to learn to be patient, still praying for my wonderful family where miracles take place every day.
I look around at others and see where they are in their life journeys  and wonder how it will be when I get to the point of passing from this life to the next.  I think that because we don't really know from experience about the "other side" yet, until we go through it  and how long it will take.
I remember my mother always saying, "I pray the Lord will take me in my sleep"...just go to sleep and be in Heaven.  She also always prayed she wouldn't die of cancer and she didn't.
So, as I remember my mother dying, I remember she was in a coma or unconscious for several days or maybe a week, can't remember, but it always had to do with the morphine they gave her too.   I just think that as our physical lives  break down, we will have modern medical help to help us through.
My mother always said she didn't want to have tubes to keep her alive and that is how it was when she passed to the next life.  She believed and talked about it freely.
Today I want to remember HOPE and TRUST as a daily challenge and not worry or fear.
I have found that lately it is hard to pray for long periods of time, so I am asking God to help me to "get organized" in my prayer life, even though I truly believe that God knows our hearts and minds even though our mental state may not feel that way sometimes.
I used to sing many songs about faith, hope,   and trust in the Lord.  Those songs  are still always in my head and heart, a wonderful reminder of what God has gifted me with for all those years.  But now my life continues to look upward!
I know my day will come, as it will for all of us.  Our days are numbered and only God knows the time He will take us.
As I experienced good quality of life in Colombia, I almost forgot how chemo makes me feel.  It does bring you "down" but the hope is still there that in a few days, life is back to "normal".   

First Week in Colombia

Today is Saturday, Feb. 11, 2018, and we have been in Colombia since very late Tuesday night.  Our trip was tiring but I am adjusting fast to the warm weather and getting over swollen ankles.
We have been carefully taken care of  by our family here and by our friend, Mercedes, who drives us where we want to go.  Yesterday, Saturday, Juan Esteban arrived from Bogota with a load of PH Plus water that can only be bought there.  Then we enjoyed a wonderful lunch with him and Mercedes, his Mom at a wonderful restaurant called Restaurante Cafe Quindio.  The food was amazing.  Wonderfully prepared.  Juan also made sure we got our Colombian phone number with a SIM card you buy here which fits into our older Iphone so we can use our phone here without having WiFi access if we are out.
I have not been swimming yet because I prefer morning when the sun isn't so hot and the pools are not crowded.  And, we have not been going because of dentist appointments yet. The park where we go has 3 olympic size pools.  Usually one is open during the week.
The weather is hot when the sun is out, and cooler when it is cloudy.  We have had sunny weather almost every day unless it becomes cloudy and rainy which doesn't last all day.   It is "WINTER" here now, so they say😄
As far as my health, I am feeling great.  I am enjoying eating their wonderful cooking and being careful how and what I eat.  I wash my hands a lot.  Everyone is being sensitive to my health needs and I am very thankful and happy about that:)
The other day we had a visit from a very old friend whom we haven't seen in maybe 40 years.  His name is Rafael Cardenas, a former opera singer in Bogota.  He is now a pentecostal pastor and he shared his faith with us. Because my Spanish isn't very good, I listened attentively, and knew the gist of what he said even though I didn't understand him word for word.  (He probably thought I understood more than I did:)   Anyway, it was very interesting to see him again since I didn't even remember what he looked like, especially with graying balding hair:):):)  He used to be a friend of Agustin's brother Ovidio who is deceased and used to come here and sing arias for us!!!!  A baritone!
We have to leave in 2 weeks again to go back.  I am savering every day and thanking God for this opportunity to be here again and feeling so well.  I am trying to enjoy all the scenery, food I can eat and people around here once again.
Aside from a few mosquito bites already, I am being careful now about that with Repel I brought along.
    This is all a  gift from God that I never thought would be happening again when I got the results of the news that I had a adenocarcenoma tumor in my pancreas last year that has been treated over a year with chemo.
     Each day is a new day for which I am thankful. 

One Week back in the USA

    I haven't written in my "blog" since before we left for Colombia, SA.   So, here goes.
    We had a wonderful time in Colombia.  I never got sick from anything and only one day with diarrhea which left as fast as it came...probably too much fiber from the delicious fruit I ate.
    When you drive down the streets of the city, you can see the most plentiful collection of fruits and vegetables of anywhere.  It is amazing to see wheel barrows and carts loaded with Pineapples, bananas, mangoes, oranges, strawberries, platanos, yucas, papayas and other fruits we don't even know the names of here.  Plentiful and delicious and "fresh".   
So, my challenge was not to eat too much fresh fruit if you can imagine.
    Our friends and  family there in the house: Ruth, Fabio, Julio and Marta,  were very thoughtful and careful with asking me ahead of time what I could and could not eat.  They tried to cook accordingly.
    Our friend Mercedes, actually bought organic fish, eggs and vegetables for me.  I ate fish and chicken for the most part.  And Marta cooked them.
Actually, one Sunday when Marta was off, Julio cooked for us and for me with no grease:  trout, platanos and rice....so delicious and special!
    Mercedes was always available for driving us where we needed or wanted to go.  Her family has been so thoughtful to us and treating us like "royalty".  (I could never drive down there myself)   While we were there, we took advantage of the excellent dental care.   Mercedes also took us to special restaurants that she knew had good reputations and food.  And, she drove us to Confenalco, where I got to go swimming, such a treat for me!
    The whole time I was there I felt wonderful, with no pain and especially, no worries:)  Actually, the family was careful about me with visitors, and we did not go out visiting.   Visitors came to the house only when they were free from colds or flu symptoms...a very thoughtful thing on their part too.
    In 3 days, I will face a chemo treatment which I haven't had in 5 weeks.  I have mixed emotions right now about that since it has been so long!   I feel like I am totally well but I realize that what goes on in our bodies can be disguised, especially in that part of the body.   I really wish I would never have to have chemo again, at least this kind. 
    This next week that I will face will be "new" in that I feel like I am going backwards instead of forward with the cancer treatment, even though in reality, I have no clue how my blood work will be or how the tumor is by now.
    I must give this again to God and realize the vacation is over for now and life is ahead as usual.
    I pray for my dear friend Martha Showalter who still has hope.   
   Today is a most beautiful day.  The sun is shining, the sky is blue here in Lynchburg.  The wind is blowing furiously and strong outside but we are safe.  
    I must remember again that each day is a gift, and not to look forward with fear or doubt...a bit challenging for me at the moment.  But, as I have done before, with God's help, will get through it again!!!!