4 days after chemo treatment

I am writing this little  "epistle" 4 days after chemo, the day I feel the worst.  So, it is understandable if I discuss my feelings about life and death with nausea and achiness and tiredness upon me today.   The thing is, in a day or 2, I will feel almost "normal" again and have energy and hope for the future whereas today, not feeling so well makes me think otherwise:)  However, and by the way, my tumor marker still remains around the same place even after not having had chemo for 5 week!   That is a PRAISE:)
Since I came back from the vacation, I continue to think about this whole cancer situation and  chemo treatment situation.  Everyone is always complementing me on how I look and  my success in "fighting" this disease but I cannot take the credit.   It is truly a gift from God.  Our days are numbered here as we read in Psalms or Job and probably many other places in the Bible.
During the chemo side effects, I imagine what it must be like to be dying..I wonder how long it takes, how weak one feels, how sick one must feel and how the meds for relief effect thinking and praying.
I do take some meds now that improve my mental health outlook but I realize that God is there with me all the time.
I am in the next phase of life right now.  My younger life of caring for kids, working, singing, socializing is in the past.  Sure, I remember those times but I like to think that a new phase of life is starting.  I don't sing anymore, I don't practise anymore, I don't even have the love and drive for it that I once had.  It was truly a gift back then and I was truly blessed to have had so many opportunities to sing, direct the choir, etc back "in the day".
Now it is the next part of my life.  I continue to learn to be patient, still praying for my wonderful family where miracles take place every day.
I look around at others and see where they are in their life journeys  and wonder how it will be when I get to the point of passing from this life to the next.  I think that because we don't really know from experience about the "other side" yet, until we go through it  and how long it will take.
I remember my mother always saying, "I pray the Lord will take me in my sleep"...just go to sleep and be in Heaven.  She also always prayed she wouldn't die of cancer and she didn't.
So, as I remember my mother dying, I remember she was in a coma or unconscious for several days or maybe a week, can't remember, but it always had to do with the morphine they gave her too.   I just think that as our physical lives  break down, we will have modern medical help to help us through.
My mother always said she didn't want to have tubes to keep her alive and that is how it was when she passed to the next life.  She believed and talked about it freely.
Today I want to remember HOPE and TRUST as a daily challenge and not worry or fear.
I have found that lately it is hard to pray for long periods of time, so I am asking God to help me to "get organized" in my prayer life, even though I truly believe that God knows our hearts and minds even though our mental state may not feel that way sometimes.
I used to sing many songs about faith, hope,   and trust in the Lord.  Those songs  are still always in my head and heart, a wonderful reminder of what God has gifted me with for all those years.  But now my life continues to look upward!
I know my day will come, as it will for all of us.  Our days are numbered and only God knows the time He will take us.
As I experienced good quality of life in Colombia, I almost forgot how chemo makes me feel.  It does bring you "down" but the hope is still there that in a few days, life is back to "normal".