Still feel nauseated and weak but not like yesterday (Thursday). It is not a good feeling and I sit here typing and wondering how it is to die from cancer rather than die of these chemo side effects...like, which is worse? Chemo pulls you down mentally and spiritually not to say physically.
I am thankful that I take meds to help with the mental aspect.
I know people are praying for me, and I also have been "taught" that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I guess yesterday was about the worst I have felt from the side effects in a long time.
One of my cancer fighting young friends used to talk to me about being "in the trenches"...yup! I guess being in a trench is like those poor little kids in that cave with darkness and water surrounding them for so many days. Now, there is an example of "being in the trenches"!!!
I also have another young friend who is facing so many challenges with a recurrence of cancer after having gone through so much already with fighting. I really admirer her fortitude and faith even though I can imagine she may feel "defeated" somehow way down deep inside. Defeated in a physical way but certainly not in a spiritual way. She believes that God has this and He will take care of her young son and her husband. What burdens!!
When I was in high school, during my 10th year, I was privileged to be in a Christian school where one of our requirements was to memorize scripture by heart. I did what I had to for memorization but I find it comes back to me at times like this. But, most of all, because I was immersed in sacred music and church music, I also sang a lot of hymns and sacred music that also come back into my mind and heart these days.
I am very thankful for that. I am very thankful for the older hymn lyrics (and tunes) which have substance and deeper meaning for me. Many of them come back into my mind when I am meditating on how I am feeling these days and where my life is going and how it is going.
I am also thankful for my friends and neighbors who reach out and bring meals when this week comes around. It is really a special help and treat to see them and to not have to worry about eating. I have to eat even though I feel sick! And, of course, my dear husband has to eat:):):)
Thank you Lord today that this "bad" feeling is passing and I will have some good days, even though my tumor marker seems to be going up slowly and surely.
I always have to remember that thinking of the future too far in advance, as far as "quality of life", is a temptation. I must remember that thinking of today is what we are given.
I have quoted a verse many times on my "blog" which always comes back to me when I am thinking about life and death, how it is and will be.
"This is the day that Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."
(Psalm 118:24
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