Endoscopy

Yesterday we traveled to Charlottesville, VA, for another test.  This time it was a needle biopsy down my throat (endoscopy).   The tumor is 4X4 cms. and the pancreatic duct is blocked. They want me to take pancreatic enzymes.  The doctor in Charlottesville will send everything to Dr Paul probably on Monday. Definitive cytology will help my doctor, Dr Paul,  help me to make  decisions. I need to eat small amounts frequently to keep my weight up.  (Wow, that is a first:):):)  I can swim and rest as needed.  Oh, and from where she was she didn't see any liver lesions.  Another new learning experience for me.   Who would have thought in my 75th year, I would be having all these new experiences?
New experiences also come with new visions and new decisions.  So, I happen  to have an inoperable tumor in my pancreas near the duct...my only options are to apply for a trial at Johns Hopkins or elsewhere, chemo here in Lynchburg or hospice here in Lynchburg.
Since I have had some really good days within these last few weeks, am fairly healthy in my "old" age, have had some real soul searching and good discussions with doctors and nurses in the field, I am learning not to give up too fast as I once thought I would.
I am also thinking that I will not go elsewhere for opinions or therapy or trials. The doctors in Charlottesville have not said anything differently than my oncologist here.   My daughters have pointed out that God will give me the PEACE I need and that is how I will know it is the right thing for me to do.  Confusing myself with lots of options that tire me to even think about, is not my goal at this point in my life.
So, as of this writing, I am leaning toward the option Ruthie wrote about with the portacath in place and the chemo therapy to maybe retard my cancer and make a little more of life worth living, even though I realize that I won't live to be 90 or 100:)
I love my family and I love my Lord.  The day before yesterday was a very special time for me.  Ruthie and Kathy gathered friends at the Third Wave Coffee shop on 221 for a prayer meeting especially for me.  I was deeply touched.   I feel there is HOPE these days for lengthened days and I pray for the energy and the strength to get through the chemo with results that will lengthen my life and even include more quality of life a little longer.

Psalm 121  

I look up to the mountains.

    Where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord.
    He is the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He won’t let your foot slip.
    He who watches over you won’t get tired.
⁴ In fact, he who watches over Israel
    won’t get tired or go to sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you.
    The Lord is like a shade tree at your right hand.
⁶ The sun won’t harm you during the day.
    The moon won’t harm you during the night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from every kind of harm.
    He will watch over your life.
⁸ The Lord will watch over your life no matter where you go,
    both now and forever.