New Entry after so many weeks

       It seems like it has been many weeks since I have written in here.
The main reason is because my mind has been so blurred with so much to deaden my thoughts and my pain.  One of the main reasons is that I cannot remember things from all the medications which take away the pain.
       Yes, I forget a lot of what has happened from day to day and even sometimes from hour to hour.  So, the main reason is pain.  I don't know how much pain I can take.   I really don't know how much pain i will be able to take.  I guess that is what pain is all about.  Even now I cannot reach a pain tolerance.
        I am told by the hospice people that I need to keep ahead of the pain or it will  be harder to conquer when it does come.
       Along with the pain problem comes constipation.  I have a patch which has to be changed every 3 days.   I take 2 pain killers now.  Because of the constipation, I also have to take another pill to help resist the constipation.   And so it goes!
        On the happier side of life, we have been living life as we approach our 50th anniversary coming up September 20th.  We decided to push up the date from the twentieth to August 17 and celebrated two weeks ago.   The kids decorated Ruthie and Bill's house and we had a wonderful time.   When I figure out how to download the pictures, I will post them on my "blog".
          As I approach the hospice part of living, learning every day how to live the best way I can within the time frame, planning my own funeral, planning what I can including giving my body for science and things that seem morbid, I see that plans like that are like planning anything and shouldn't be morbid to me.  I don't think of them as morbid but give me a sense of peace and comfort instead. 
        Actually, planning your own memorial service  gives you one of the best parts of your life which lets you give to those who want to remember you a gift back to them.
         So, with all of this in mind, I must close this very disorganized "epistle". Who knows when I will stop writing "blogs".   My mind finds it hard to think that there is anything more worthwhile saying.   But, if I do think up something worthwhile saying in the near future,  I will certainly try to write about it.  If not, maybe this is it?😃