Next Steps in Cancer Treatment

Today was a day with mixed emotions.
First of all, it is my 77th. birthday.  So, having a birthday is a happy time when everyone celebrates you and your life.  I have received so many calls, cards, wonderful care from my husband, sister, brother-in-law and family tonight with a special dinner at Ruthie's house.   What more can you want in life?
Then there is the other side of the day which was filled with a conference with my oncologist who listed my options for the next steps.  I was diagnosed with pancreas cancer, adenocarcinoma 2 years ago, November, 2016!
I must admit, that talking about trials, mutations, cells, cancer and DNA is not one of my specialties in understanding.  I sat there not really understanding all the details but was glad my sister took some notes and my brother-in-law understood what the doctor was talking about.
So, from what I gather, I have 3 options:
1.   I could qualify for a trial.   Finding a trial in a location that is convenient and travelling back and forth is a big factor in a decision.   These are studies.  My cancer does qualify for 2 trials as I understand it that are given somewhere in VA.  With the trials offered, and I actually qualify, I still would have to take a kind of chemo along with it which means side effects, etc.  Dealing with that away from home bothers me, at least in the way I understand it right now.  I might consider going as far as UVA though...
2.  Another option is to start up on another kind of chemo called Gemzar Abraxane.   I would have the same side effects but not as toxic or hard on my body, but I would lose my hair this time!  How about that?  That whole thought itself is demeaning for me.  Dr. Paul described some kind of cold cap they put on your head to keep the chemo from going to your hair roots which will not let your hair fall out.  I guess it is like an ice pack on your head.  Yikes!  Hm! 
3. No more chemo.   Which leads me to the fact that when I went to Johns Hopkins at the beginning of my cancer research, I was asked if I would find the medical field or the holistic field the way I would go.  I told them I would go with the traditional medical field.   Which brings me now to thinking on the other side of treatment which many people have chosen over the medical field....holistic, natural, organic, etc. diet.   Our son pointed out to me  today that many people opt to go "natural" with organic veggies, fruits, juicing, no sugar, no carbs, etc.  That takes total discipline and I would really have to gear myself into another way of thinking around the cheetos and chocolate I like so much:)
So, there is the story of today.
I am off to see the wonderful family I have for a birthday supper at the Gillespies.
Not thinking too much tonight about what I will sleep on since I told the doctor I would let her know in a few days what I had decided.   As I understand it, if I go for a trial, I would not start chemo.  If I go with chemo, I may not qualify for a trial.   Can't win!!
I will pray about this and ask God to lead my thoughts to make a decision with my family's confidence, encouragement and care for me.
What do I have to lose if I opt for a  a healthy diet with no more extreme medicines that make me feel sick?  Life here on earth is a gift but eternity is waiting for each one of us when God is ready.
I will be praying for peace in my decision and I hope anyone reading this will pray with me for that outcome.