Dvorak wrote 10 Biblical songs back in 1894 when he was living for 2 years in NYC. I have sung some of them at some point, but one of the texts came to mind last night as I was lying in bed, trying to go to sleep, wondering what was in store for me in the next few weeks and months.
I lay there thinking negatively (which means dying of cancer) about my future. I really try not to do that most of the time, but it seems that late at night is when thoughts crawl in...the fact that I have been having some abdominal pain, fatigue, and taking Tylenol now about once or twice a day wears on my mind. Even the thoughts of starting chemo next week that may or may not "work"!
I have no other symptoms but then I think about my CT scan Thursday night and imagine that my whole body is full of cancer. I imagine all the negative things that come into my head and then I feel guilty. I have read so many times that attitude and positive thinking are what keep us cancer patients (victims) going, that faith in the Lord's care should be our focus. But then, when pain comes and tiredness, I am weak in my mind and heart. My only HOPE is keeping the faith God provides if I listen!
So, this song came up into my mind, the part which says, "the fear of death overwhelms me", "Hear my sighing....."
3. Hear my prayer (Psalm 55:1-8)
Hear my pray'r, O Lord, my God !
Hide not Thy face from my petition.
Bow Thine ear to me,
and hearken unto the voice of my mourning,
to the voice of my mourning.
Pained sore is my heart within,
and trembling hath fallen upon me,
the fear of death overwhelms me.
Hear my sighing.
Oh, had I but eagle's pinions,
had I wings like the silver dove!
Far away would I wander,
I would hide me in the wilderness.
On wings I would hasten
to hide from the storm,
the storm and fearful tempest.
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