More Mimi "blogger" thoughts today.....

Today is Sunday, May 21 and we didn't go to church.  Not feeling "up" to it.   Tired, down, you name it.   I don't blame anyone for the way I feel except myself  even though physically speaking, I am feeling healthy.  So, why do I feel this way?  Tomorrow will be #9 treatment which I missed last time because my platelets were too low in their opinion.
I read in one of my Christian cancer books that you should make goals for yourself.   But, make sure the goals aren't all materialistic goals or event goals, like living until Thanksgiving or Christmas or someone's birthday or even my granddaughter's graduation.  Because they will come and go and you won't have any more goals (which can play on your mind).
So, the goals you should make are goals about living each day to the fullest, living for God's purpose.  I really have to come to grips with this.  It is a serious and personal challenge when you are faced with side effects from chemo and maybe eventually from the cancer.  I honestly don't feel threatened by the cancer [yet].  I have been blessed with no pain.  However, there is always the underlying thought of the very tiny cancer cells on my liver.  But, they don't hurt nor do they cause me a problem, only in my subconscious that they are there and they are called mastitis on an MRI:)
I have pain in my hips (could be old age too:) probably from not exercising enough anymore in the last few months.  I am trying to walk around the block these days in hopes that that is temporary.  When Bill and Ruthie's pool gets warmer, I want to swim there.  I don't, however, want to deal with the sun too much.  I might get up enough nerve to unfreeze our membership at the Y, and go there, even if I am concerned about "germs":)
My hair is getting thinner and thinner and I think seriously about a wig.
All these things plus negative thoughts come to mind sometimes when I am trying to analyze life and feel discouraged by what I should be thinking as a believer in God as my creator and healer.  My book on cancer says:   "Having a personal reason to win is strong medicine in itself.  But here's an even better reason:  The Bible teaches us that God created us in His image (Gen.1:27-), that He knew us before we were born (Jer.1:5), and that He has created us for the singular purpose of glorifying Him ( 1 Cor. 10:31). " "Therefore, every day of our lives should be lived for the purpose for which God created us:  that we might live for Him and for Him alone.  Shouldn't our reason for wanting to live coincide with God's desire for our lives?  Doesn't  it make sense that if we want to optimize our chances for healing, our personal goals should be in harmony with God's goal that we glorify Him?"   According to this book, A Reason for Hope by Michael Barry, "there's nothing wrong with wanting to live to be 90 years old, but desiring to live in order to serve and glorify God brings higher purpose to our prayers and greater motivation for willing the body to fight."   
So, my challenge for this week is not to think on the negative, selfish side of my situation, but to think and pray for courage to believe in daily "healing" of mind and spirit with God's hope and help.  
That is my "sermon" for myself today:)